It began Christmas Day noticing my daughter’s odd mood, her saying , “ I don’t know why I feel so bad” at this stage it was emotional rather then physical at this point, we got through the Christmas Day with not too much causality, yet the feeling lingered something was not quite right.

Our Government said ‘The people of Ireland deserve a good Christmas, we will allow one family ( or maybe it was two ) visits to our homes. Well my heart sank, my intuition knew and told me this was not quite right, it just did not feel right. I wondered did the virus say it wanted some time off too? Oh the old corona was tired of infecting and reinfecting the people of Ireland. The virus announced “people of Ireland let’s take a CV break, you deserve it, I’ve been working you too hard ,” the Corona informed our Taoiseach. And so we obeyed! Like good people we did as our Government advised  (note; not what our scientists and medical advisors advised.)

My daughter of course thought this would be a good time to have a visit from the  boyfriend, who lives a bit away, although my intuition was screaming inside at me NO, I agreed to this. Now, I take full responsibility for this agreement by the way, zero blame, (well excluding our politicians) (note again our medical chief advisors did not agree)… I believe my daughter was experiencing the early stages of this virus.

Our one person, one house hold visitor arrived, very welcomed too, (yes I must impress once again anyone reading this, no blame toward’s our visitor. After all we were strangely lucky although we live in a regular housing estate of four bedroomed detached homes, we happen to have lots of space, as we also have a duplex separate to our home next door, a sweet little unit with its own separate everything , perfect for a visitor during a world pandemic. During this time, our one household visitor (and much loved ONLY guest ) father calls to say his whole family are going to get a private test for everyone the next day, I believe for the reason’s that the father needs a negative test in order to return to work. Sounds about right.

Fast forward a fews days, well one of two days tops. We then receive a call, the boyfriend and whole family are  positive!!!! All I can say is SHOWTIME !!!

This is the conversation, on repeat between the 3 Tee’s….
Are you ill? No, I think its just a hangover (after all it is Christmas and you know young people..)
I feel bit strange’, ‘No I feel fine I’m just imagining it, not everyone gets sick! ‘Leave me alone I am fine! Stop asking me how I feel! Stop trying to take my temperature Mama, I AM FINE…and on it goes, round and round.

Oh God what did he (the boyfriend) touch when he was here? Let’s start cleaning, surfaces, lots of texting, phone calls to friends and wise ones, whom is a Doctor USA. Across the globe texts flowing out of all of our devices…what a mess? what to do? Are we sick ? Will we die? Are we being dramatic over thinking it? Over reacting? Wild imaginations on fire, or was this my temperature rising ? Chaos, mentally, emotionally, feeling it physically all the while New Years eve is approaching… I say to myself ‘breath deep Teresa, fill your lungs expand them keep doing that.

Until a wise voice of professional scientific and medical opinion from the USA ( yes whilst Trump was in power still, I mean how bad can this get?!) ‘Get your daughter tested, she’s the most likely one infected. How much time did you spend with the boyfriend? Were you in his company for more than 15 minutes? Did you hug him? Did you sit close to him when ye all ate together?… Oh my God I feel I am on trial for murder, murder of my immune system. Well he stayed next door, in the little flat, with my daughter. I wracked my brain to remember how much was he actually in my home. In the meantime the sweet boy sends me text message, feeling so upset, guilty the poor love. No one was blaming ANYONE (well, maybe we blamed the government) he alas did not feel well (sadly it was not the hangover anymore) My daughter on the other hand I know was being brave “I’m  fine” I am fine Mum ( yet I know knew in her heart the prospects of NOT seeing her boyfriend in the next few days again was worse than getting this darn virus I’d say in her mind..)

Ok ok everyone, lets make a plan and clean the hell out of everything, clean like your life depended on it, clean, scrub the hell out of Christmas!! How do we get a test? Of course it’s a Friday. ‘The Hunt for Red October’ (well a corona test) on a holiday time, in Ireland (just as difficult, just as challenging)

I call the GP, no answer… they say on there message call the Care Doc… no answer…. in the mean time SELF ISOLATE (what exactly does this mean) Out come the N95’s, daughter is told to stay in the duplex and put everyone into biohazards bags (well, black plastic bags…) all the sheets, towels, duvets lock it up deep into black plastic bags… thrown out into the cold... the bitter cold… oh the panic of it all….

I knew my daughter did not feel well, she was trying her best to say brave and be strong in the hope this was all a bad dream and she could get to see ‘lovely boyfriend ‘maybe for New Years Eve, it being usually a romantic time. (as I had sweet memories of my New Years eve in Los Angeles 2020 in Marina del Rey, my soul home.) Wow well thats seemed like a long time ago and a long long way away too  from the bitter cold of this winter and in the death grip of a virus that has so many faces or spikes…

It has claimed so so so many live’s in this past year across the globe how could you not be anxious? No one call tell which way it could go for you and it’s a different story when you are actually told you have this virus yourself, a very different story.

Again the wise calm voice from across the miles advises, immediate isolation from each other, masks on in our home, separate, as we map out who goes to the kitchen and text each other to avoid passing each other closely on the stairway. Keep separated from each other, each of our own space. As my eldest daughter is in her own little hobbit house with all her technology and sewing machines.

My sister drops a box of soups and supplies off to the house of the plague, then my brother drops a care package off with thoughtful things like face masks, beautiful soaps and fig jam, very uplifting. Although our appetites were non existent but a warm soup was so welcome. 

On hold on the phone, to CARE DOC waiting, speaking to the USA on Facetime on my laptop  ( I didn’t know I could do that all at once, until this very moment, it felt so high tech) the calm voice of the American M.D.  Ph.d. advising every moment what to do.

Get the survival kit together, thermometer, ibuprofen VITAMIN D, ZINC,  fluids, push fluids. ‘Order a pulse /oximeter ‘he says. What is that? Still, no answer I am on the phone to Care Doc now 35 minutes, talking to America, messaging my daughter next door, watching the news, about the early stages of this sudden spike in Ireland is beginning, yes and the whole country are all on to MY CARE DOC it seem’s at the same time. I’m still holding.

News starts to come in they are not testing close contacts, checking with my daughter how she feels I could see she did not feel well, its confusing are we imagining our symptoms or are we genuinely feeling it, my other daughter is calm as always and the voice of reason. All is well everybody it’ll be ok, we are fine, the muffled voices through the mask’s.

Chaos in the household.

Finally 45 minutes of Care Doc wait and yes by then even the dog has symptoms. A test is booked!  For my daughter, because she is over 18 the Care Doc has to speak to her, asking all the routine questions and they advise, yes get a test, there’s a local testing centre. Well I did not know that as I was holding and FaceTiming with USA and googling nearest test centre to me, it sure never told me there was one 5 minutes away. ( Thanks google now go get yourself updated. )

I am then advised you cannot travel in the car with her, its a small space, its likely she is infected its likely you are not. Oh wow another hurdle, checking would she be ok to walk to the test centre. She says she is, Advise coming in from all directions all manner of communications and devices pumping out the advise recommendations , head exploding with information and probably some dis information.But  high on that list  is vitamin D . I have some somewhere, I started creating this corona survival station in my kitchen on my pretty flowery tray. We swallow multiple amounts of vitamin D ’s a report has just come out stating it takes away the symptoms not necessarily the virus but eases the symptoms. 

Every moment checking how do I feel? Am I sweating ? Is it my temperature or do I have the house heat on too high ? Windows being flung open to get the virus out , ventilation they say I can’t tell what is real temperature or my oil boiler burning up the universe (how I wish I had a eco burning something or other…)

The text comes in from the HSE my daughter’s appointment with the testing centre, I jumped into my car to race around the town to see how far she would have to walk and exactly where is this test centre… I return and check she is ok to walk up there, poor love, she said she was but she was very emotional, which seemed like all the panic and all the stress of this new world of Corona has come to town, the special guest at your home. It felt like it literally jumped out of the news, off the world stage and all the radio and media platforms across the globe into our humble abode, up here on the hill. It suddenly was this alien invader uninvited personalising itself in my daily life. I was looking in every imaginable nook and cranny for an invisible siting of this strange creature who seemed to have no heart just  wicked and destructive and was oh so merciless.

My daughter returns, she seemed more relaxed, the test centre people were so so nice she felt empathy for them and connected to them and saw first hand what a wonderful job they were doing plus the fresh  crisp air lifted her spirits and the vitamin D’s kicked in as they ease the symptoms .

And so we wait….I advise her to rest and if any energy at all to clean, the bed cover, sheets all refresher changed, bleached down all surfaces the bannisters scrubbed the places you do not think of normally that could allow for this spikey unwelcome virus makes itself at home in your home and surfaces on for 48 hours or is it 72 hours? 

My eyes are dry with reading HSE advise, what to do, you would think after all the TV news, advise, the pamphlets in our letter boxes, the friendly advise of friends & neighbours who already had a visit from this virus would have sunken in. 

All my preaching to wash hands, don’t take chances, play by the rules, take it seriously on my soap box to my online yoga peeps daily giving thanks for our breath, breathing expanding our lungs daily trying to metaphorically breath for other’s and connect to the lungs of the universe, as I remembered the George Floyd slogan ‘I can’t breath’ all these images bombarding my mind, my home, my children now it is upon us, like a sniper hidden in our cupboards on our door handles, on our surfaces in our lungs, the invisible world of the corona blanketing mine….exhausting.. I actually feel like I am out of my body at times, is it the shock ?

Sure it is  only a bad cold some say, a bad flu at worst, only bad for old people, my kids  think I am old?? It only for under lying conditions, which I start to feel I have every condition under the sun the way I feel. 

Checking, checking, checking on my daughters, concerned for them firstly then for me and my dog, its just an endless cycle of round and round we go then I remember to fill my lungs with air expand and hold that (best thing you can learn to do and do so skilfully asap) and the slowest exhale, I hear my own advise returning to me over and over and over again. Ram Ram Ram I have preached on my yoga soap box. Chant Ram to make the impossible impossible , to undo what needs to be undone. This chant of RAM on repeat in my mind body and soul.

Then BOOM, the text comes in …my daughter is positive.

Silence , quiet,  eerie sensations as we go Oh ok, matter of factly. “I knew that ‘ my daughter calmly says, Im glad I know now, and all the nuances re corona time start to roll off our tongues back and forth between the three of us.

We’ll just do what we need to do as my dry tired eyeballs re-read over and over the recommendations, the calculations begin in our heads, all of us calculating to a different rhythm of our own wants and needs. Is it 12 days 14 days  no 8 days ?

Oh my Lord  Krishna and all the Dalai Lama’s help us out here. Well at least she can chat to her boyfriend through this time about their corona carry on, sweats, hot, cold, no smells, tastes, feeling fine to collapsing in  to emotional heap of exhaustion ! All out trust full of fear and sadness and blaming .. yes blaming the Government once again with the stupid advise, “The Irish people deserve a Christmas…”(and death and illness….my intuition said )

The sudden sound of silence descended upon our home. Windows flung open to the bitter cold but keeping the heat on high, it was a time of extremes. Quiet desperation and calm acceptance dealing with moment to moment needs for my daughter as I constantly annoyed them by repeating to my other daughter ‘tell me how you feel’ her constant and consistent answer was  ‘ I feel fine mum’.

The television was now officially spitting out the word on trend  ‘The Surge’…The scourge of the surge I say. Discussing a full lockdown before New Years eve things were spiking, climbing, rising, surging.  All as I was collapsing.

Receiving HSE texts & calls  as we become ‘close contact -ers’ super lovely people on the other end at the HSE , heart warming.

The advise comes in from the wise calm voice from M.D. P.h.d USA now you and your other daughter need to get tested.  We feel fine, but yes I agreed, we needed to know although they were trying stop the non symptom people from coming in, hell I had every symptom going in my imagination of fear. THE FEAR as they say in Dublin.  Messages coming in from friends family and good people from far and near ‘how are the three Tee’s?’ Gorgeous yogi’s sending love some of them SHERO’S in covid wards, super special souls.

The media news is descending into even more pits of despair . “Keep track of your daily systems write them down daily‘ says the wise voice from across the Atlantic with years of Medical and scientific experience and knowledge. 

I write down January 1, I feel ok just general tiredness, my daughter is sleeping, nursing a dull headache. I am on the phone again ready for the long wait, as once again it is another Friday (why do emergencies always fall on a Friday in my world) I call, I wait and wait it just rings out, then an answer. We are on the test list. Within hours a text come in for two test appointments, so efficient considering the chaos about, I thought. 

My youngest daughter and I drive down masked up, doubled masked up actually she in the back of the car windows rolled down , freezing accompanied by our loyal nurse, our dog Maude. Surely the virus if there’s any there will be frozen out by this ice biting ,wind ,sleet cold ,wild weather.I thought of every and any homeless person , persons without shelter tonight feeling a little unwell, fearful of the virus and who will care for them, I gave them my prayers as I drove to the test centre.

We are greeted instantly friendly, warm voices although muffled through the masks and face guards, high vis jackets, gloves, hats and there’s a person under neath all the gear! And we just connect with the eyes, they are warm and empathetic. It calms us , we get brave and appreciate we are being seen to with a warm welcome. 

Each of us ushered in hardly any wait at all, to our separate sections in the old cold hospital room, carefully guided and instructed on every single move.We get our little P.P.E. package (as I wonder which one’s did Bono supply, a little light entertainment in my crushed worried brain trying to take my own advise, stay present, don’t go into the future, that’s anxiety, don’t go back to the past either… as I sat under my N95 with the little leather cushioned strip, wondering if they wondered where I got this one from and was it kosher even to have it here, oh my God what if its not ?, what if they feel I am taking this from a frontline worker who really needs it more then I , those heroes and sheroes of our new weird norm world. I walk in I take my squirt of hand sanitiser and sit. My daughter is guided the other direction.We are introduced to pretty eyes, gentle warm voices and it is explained what they will do and what I was to do. I actually bring my hands together and bow to them, completely spontaneously it came to me, oh lord they probably think I’m religious nut!

But I meant that bow, they were warm wonderful and the swab was not so bad quick easy and I was let go, signalled to wait and pause so I don’t walk into another person’s space. 

I thank the SHERO’S and with my hand sanitiser I exit out swiftly to my car in relief there was no waiting, it was done and a warm feeling which I got from those people all working in this test centre. Taking the chances of so many mouths wide open in their faces many filled with virus coming so close to it with their warm voices of care and warm eyes. My daughter gets in the back, windows down we put our masks they give to us for the one time use into the bag given also to discard as they advise as soon as you get home. The contraband, the virus in a bag, in my car, as I wondered was that an imaginary dull headache or the pure stress of all this. 

I thought of every older person or any person that went through this scared, worried, alone just needing a hug and the assurance of you are going to be absolutely fine. I know that is all I wanted to hear, a guarantee, I’m strong fit relatively young (well depends on how close you are yourself on that moving elevator towards the next world that we are all on.) (I read that somewhere loved the description).

 The news and all media tell us they cannot cope with the amount of calls and case’s showing up test centres over run with sick people it feels like doomsday, the weather is bitter , I think again of all the old sick homeless vulnerable people with these concerns alone being told to stay home, alone, don’t touch anything or any one, its a complete horror !!! The next couple of days are filled with the mantra of ‘how are you feeling now”, ‘did you take your vitamin D’s? What can I  get you or do for you ? ”to my daughter in the quarantine unit in my home (will it ever loose its label I wonder.. The quarantine unit’ )

We wait and wait and watch Netflix, talk on FaceTime ask for prayers and light as I teach my LIVE classes , I talk about inflammation , deep slow breathing , I haven’t had sugar in a year and a half surely that’s a ticket to be alright? 

The text comes in… my youngest daughter and I are negative. We hug each other yet I feel something nudging at my intuition maybe I feel a bit guilty as my other daughter is confined albeit nice and cosy own kitchen shower wifi food delivered, also I know there is nothing like freedom, which she does not have.

She tells me she is doing ok then she tells me also I’ve a headache I feel tired and sweaty. So no, she does not feel ok!!! I worry for her, how can you not, there is nothing but uncertainty and zero assurance with this thing I know I am aggravating her showing up in my bio hazard self styled Mama gear, trying to comfort her through the glass doors, she is so fed up this is only day two or three!!! 

How I wished at this point I took valium, smoked weed, drank whiskey, took mushrooms or one of those things that zones you out at a time like this, but alas I do not. Just me and my meditation, hoping I can draw on the years and years of prana I’d accrued in my Pranic Bank account, something to chill me out. As my mind skipped in circles from my daughter in quarantine to my daughter with the negative result and myself and how to keeps all safe and SANE.

I awaken early morning, feeling something strange, something alien, hot cold totally weird. I wonder was it just the anxiety of it all, was it the stress the unknown and my super wild imagination coupled with Catastrophizing, that WORD was I exaggerating my” funny feeling sensations” I feel so tired, but I shall do my LIVE yoga class it always makes me feel good. It’s the chaos its news its the lockdown its the fear (it’s the martini I made last night).

It’s Friday give yourself a break T, you’d all that with your girls and taught classes all the way through it , you’re just tired! Yes that makes sense, I am just tired ! Normal tired.

But I just don’t really feel myself, maybe if I take a walk later, brisk walk in the air, I took a ice cold shower (I’m a Wim Hoff-er) The wise voice from across the miles says, get another test, there’s lots of ‘false negatives”, but I don’t think you have it remember its normal flu and common cold season also, we all forgot about that!!! The common cold, how I agreed so quickly it’s probably just that and how I prayed it was The common cold!!!yes thats it I have a common cold... but it feels uncommon..

I decide to wait till Monday to speak to my own G.P. and just try and chill for the weekend…deep slow breathing remember to exhale long long long…its wild and windy , normally I would have been splashing in the sea early morning if it wasn’t for the massive waves so I decided to take an evening walk breath deep and slowly into my lungs and clear our the stress and pathogens or any virus that could be lurking in there. I walk my dog for a moment but the wind is too wild so I put her back in to the car as I continue to take a quick brisk wild windy walk along by the wild sea myself. I breath in deep salty sea air. This can only be good for me a deep cleansing breath through those nostrils.

I could feel the bite of the air pinching my face and probably pinching my lungs also. I turned around headed for my cosy home, where the fire is lit, kicking out great heat, checking on my daughter how she was doing through all this so far, she’s ok just not that hungry, watching lots of Netflix, zooming boyfriends and friends. I praise and bless technology at this time, and having this separate living quarters for her to be in.

Monday comes in the meanwhile I had coughed all night long, I was in a death grip with this insane coughing, wrestling with it. I was thinking it was my salty sea walk and my rehearsed slow deep breathing with long exhales. This cough was ‘violent’ dry non stop, not a chance of sleep ‘said this cough from hell, I persisted getting a little reprieve, enough to drop down and have some delta waves oscillating through my brain. Alas not for long as the dreaded cough of death return’s more ferocious than before. Oh come on, my chest hurts, my throat’s raw, I’m bleary eyed I’d sell my soul for some sweet sleep. Did this late salty sea walk my usual bliss really do this to me? Maybe it’s a cleanse, maybe it’s doing some excavation work in much needed left over from the bad girl days. A deep big cleanse yes, that was what this is! Morning comes and totally welcomed. My daughter checks ‘Mama are you alright you coughed all night?” I said ‘yes I know and it seems to be gone now, must have been the ice wind ‘I am just fatigued from the all-nighter pulled by my lung’s. “Are you alright darling?’ (the mantra of our home ) ‘Yes mama, just worried about your cough I hear sweetly through the walls”. I lay here in total denial deep slow soothing velvety breath work always works for me, deep chest expansion slow long exhales mmmmmmmm.

I ring my GP , he says ‘you’d a negative test last week ? Well yes there’s a lot of false negatives and you sound  sick so let’s not take any chances.’ Thank you Dr Christensen.

Within in the hour a text comes in to get to the test centre by 4 pm .Oh my goodness the speed of that I thought. Meanwhile there’s an insurrection on the TV full tilt to take my mind off my own potential insurrection in my cells against the invader. I drift to the memory of visuals I had of a video game called ‘Space  Invaders in John and Tonys pizza place on first avenue and 60th street. My male friends obsessed with this game. Now this game is playing in my head hammering these little unwelcome aliens in MY BODY.  Game on! Space invaders being strategically placed in my cells as the noble protectors of this TMM immune system extraordinaire, I imagine quietly to quell the angst and anxiety arising inside.

Test centre again, I know this routine, I feel empowered by that alone. I pull in , its pretty much empty of people and I am instantly attended to. My little PPE bag (that’s what the bag says) with instructions. This time pretty eyes, warm friendly eyes peering through and empathy felt but this swab extraction was much more intense along with a gag impulse. I was the only one there amongst the hero’s and sheros of the test centre.

Away I drove and returned home to my safe place I call it, my cosy bed of Egyptian cotton 800 thread or could be 1000 thread or a million, fluffy pillows like clouds and my turquoise chandelier that hangs gracefully above... I was just so grateful to be back here as I had these alien sensations coming and going temperature changes although I could blame my heat it was on full and windows open for the ventilation both extremes at the same time. I drank lemon water, did some slow breathing, expand out those lungs and longest exhales ... ever.. taking my own advise. Things were looking bad in the USA the Capitol In Washington DC under attack, seeing these images was very unsettling a doomsday visual. As  I awaited the text, THIS was why I felt anxious I thought, the whole world is anxious why would I get to be off the hook on that? I begin to drift into a heady, dream state which was interrupted by the my phone vibrating under my pillow.

Theres the text, I read the first bit, it is from the test centre and I see my name my age and then... ‘is positive for the corona virus’

That’s it, almost full acceptance kicked in, every cell in my body had known it. I tell my girls and we all just decide to relax about it take all the vitamin D’s, C’s, Zinc and push fluids. I sunk into this dream state again so tired, as my body starts to feel heavy aches began to emerge the odd dull ache in my brain which I understand is my immune system fighting back. The image I get is of a boxing match, armies of T-cells (TMM-cells)and virus in full combat no wonder I am flattened. Theres a lot going on in my body, in my mind, in my home and in the whole world.

My feet ache, the soles of my feet throb .. I twist and turn in gentle yoga poses, in my bed, with a bolster under my chest to open my lungs more, this helps to relieve the discomfort until the ibuprofen kicks in. I respond to the many messages of whats going on, but even doing that is exhausting. My body is now like lead. My mind is like lead.

I try to draw on all the tips of health and wellness that I know and preach so much about but my mind is lead! My spacial awareness shift’s like my walls are moving in narrowing then moving away expanding, a little delirium, descending the stairs was a whole other experience as recently both my daughter and I compared notes about these bizarre alien like experiences we were both having. I just thought I am just gone mad, gone totally mad. Lifting my head off the pillow was hell the stairs was like walking up Kilimanjaro alone in the dark, our stair case was Kilmanjaro! Delirium!!

Awake, asleep, awake, asleep, dreaming I’d no idea what was what all the boundaries of time and space had melted in a timeless wierd place.

My Shero Roisin drops off a remedy for all my symptoms, just being in text with her made me feel better, she has that affect on me and others. Jim Gucci is on the text with love and light bright blessings, here is someone who really understands pain illness the chaos of it all, so soothing when those people contact you, as much of the messages were so difficult to answer as one cannot respond to easily to the query of ‘so how are you today?’ An impossible one when you’re in the thick of Corona illing universe.

My chest was tight I  finally get hold of a Pulse/ oximeter from our local Chemist. It really is an essential devise for anyone in this experience . I did not know that one has no idea know if your oxygen levels are dropping you dont feel it. The problem I learn from the wise calm voice from Los Angeles the medical Sauvant himself, alerts me to this. So Id awake and check just that my oxygen level and if it was low which it was especially in the morning I would sit up right and breath slow deep Id hold the breath in expand expand push out my ribs fill up then the slowest exhale ever then pause whilst empty and continue on doing this and it worked Id get my levels up to 95 or so as below 90 is not good . My G.P. words were get your self to A&E if your breath gets short, no way am I wanting to go there.

I sink and sleep and sweat and toss and turn.

Lovely people send offers of shopping drop offs .flowers arrive, a present of oils (but I cannot smell the), funny cards, healing cards good vibe arrive  in the post of wellness greetings and love. I am so touched by the support and kindness check in’s.

Counting the days as my neighbour informs me it’s around day 8 or 9 that ‘stuff happens’…. I awake on day 3 or 4 and amazed I feel kind of ok, I swallow a tons of vitamin D’s take more ibuprofen which helps with the aches and I feel kind of ok ! I get up roll out my mat and practice some flow yoga for myself I test my strength and stability ..its all there, goodness me is this it ? I am past it? I mean I don’t feel awesome but I am amazed, have my superpowers have kicked in? I cannot smell or taste but I can feel pangs of hunger I have soups and more soups and oranges lots of oranges, which I had not had since I stopped sugar as I went all out on the zero sugar, not even fruits which have a lot of sweetness, but who’s thinking of that right now?  I craved oranges.. but I could not smell them or taste it but the texture and juiciness was lovely. I felt so dehydrated, dry mouth throat eye skin dry. I couldn’t really concentrate so it was a struggle to read although I would try, then here it came. The worst stage. I felt so hijacked by aches pain, discomfort, delirium, I felt fear, like walking through a dark dangerous unfamiliar  neighbour hood by myself. I was in the thick of it now.

The thought’s of a shower or a bath really made me shiver ( luckily I could not smell). So I took out my dry skin brush. I had just launched a 30 day programme January 1st with my yogi’s of ‘Yoga every dam day’, Integrating cold showers daily, intermittent fasting and this dry skin brushing. This is an ancient Japanese beauty treatment that I have done since I was about 17. You use an organic natural brush and brush pre shower or bath from the feet up up up towards the heart. It stimulates the lymph, it also removes dead skin cells and feels awesome as its so stimulating to the lymph which stimulates the immune system. The skin gets rosy and pink from the brushing.

Sitting up I felt this crackling in my chest, it is terrify me for a moment until I remembered to breath slow deep breath, slow wide breath as I pushed my ribs out with all my might. Holding in the breath, holding the breath out. This quells the feeling of anxiety that is rising in my bone’s. My breath frees up and the crackling stops as I practice the wheeze test (the calm wise voice M.D. Ph.d. from the city of Angels’ had taught me.) A full breath in through the open mouth then push out all the way till you see if on the final bit you wheeze. You can’t hide a wheeze or fake one either I learn. Have you checked your pulse/oximeter today this calm concerned voice asks? Well yes when I awoke, it was 86 on waking (and the instruction is get to the hospital with that number) I sit up and do my wide breathing, and it truly is wide breathing as I give such thanks for my skills of breath work at this crucial time. All those years and years of teaching it practicing it, now your life depends on it, yes our lives depend on this skill and we take the humble breath for granted so much, until it’s restricted.

I remember the stress and the division this virus has created in our world the people that think its a hoax, the people that say dumb things about it, the people that can’t understand why anyone is fearful of it, the people and  that disagree on how we should behave to keep safe, to not keep safe, to live to visit to not visit to mingle or to not mingle and on it goes. Some with zero compassion for those on the other side of the fence, the ones ‘sick of hearing’ about it (until they catch it) on and on it goes as dumb ‘world leaders and their followers say ‘don’t be afraid of this virus’’are you loosing the plot over this virus?’and such like statements. I say, why be so judgemental about our genuine reactions because when it comes knocking in your door, you have no idea how it will actually play out in your life.. and the lives of our beloved’s. Be kind (as the slogan says) and do the right thing, for others, think of other’s I say back.

Day 5/6/7 I can’t really describe it or remember it really, it was all blur sleeping, waking all in reverse, I remember some lovely yogi’s dropping off soups supplies more oranges. When asked what I needed or wanted I think I asked for odd things and some basics which told me this affect’s your brain, well it does for sure by loosing our smell and taste and that’s your brain, then there was the memory, I felt slow, my speech seemed slow and light, although I was not doing much talking except a little FaceTime to (The medical  Sauvant) which is understandable, a full on virus zap’s the body. I avoided responding to lovely messages mainly for fear of what I would write back!! Emotions, memories, delirium going round and round friends family people faces coming and going in my minds eye yes spacial awareness shifting from shadows and light.

All the shapes colour the sound of the wind through my house, all became bewildering occurrences.

I awaken do, my routine, my new norm, check with the oximeter, await for it to settle on a number hoping for it to be higher... then I realise its the middle of the night , I had slept through a day or maybe two or three I could feel the ibuprofen wearing off as the aches are there in the soles of my feet climbing up my limbs. The ibuprofen was the only thing that worked for me, (Panadol paracetamol  did nothing for me). Then I learn that is because ibuprofen is not  really a Painkiller, its an anti-inflammatory ,and the inflammation is the cause of my aches , and most of my symptom’s so that makes sense. Push fluids!!! I sit up a drink a whole container of water, instant feeling of re hydration is such a relief to my sore tired achey body.

Impact stimulation well what is that ? I love it and it really worked for me during this time. It is part of a prep for a chi gong practice where you tap up and down your limbs use your knuckles or you can use palms of  hands on the soles of the feet and move around the ankles, the joints ,move up the body around the joints any areas where the lymph nodes are ( like in armpits inner thighs and such). It stimulates the whole body blood flow, (which is what you want when confined to bed or isolation in a small space. You can do it at your leisure such as the kidneys in lower back and adrenal glands (they’re in the same location) back of the neck chest collar bones up and down the sides of the thigh’s (this is where acu pressure points are to aid good digestion) up and down the legs on each side, and it feels good ! You can take a break as you’re doing this relax go back to it, as I did it from my bed as standing up was too much effort for me. Since I was not walking daily as I usually do,I knew I needed to do thing’s that would not set me back ( like the way I launched in to a full flow on day 3 but more like would help feel I am stimulating moving, toning, assisting.

My sleep my dreams were all merged into a kaleidoscope of a mix of reality and dreams entwined. Heavy sleep body like lead.

Rolling towards  day 10/11/12 I’ve lost count..but I feel like watching the inauguration, what a great day for American people and indeed the world. Moving that other virus out of office was pretty monumental, seismic, of epic proportion’s.You could  literally feel the uplift in the atmosphere yet I had not ventured out nor was I ready to either but it sure did bring some levity to our home. We all felt hopeful and able to forget about how we were feeling for a little while.

Having no taste, no smell is quite the bizarre physiological effect, you just feel that strange something is missing and it is! Your body feels the hunger but no tastes, no smell, no ability to recognise the aromas the flavours but you sense the textures and remember the tastes and relish . Alas not the same.. For me daily I would sniff my oils of natural origins that were sweet uplifting and calming. How I miss this luxury of those Dolterras and lemon sprays, the palo santo sweet citrus smokey smells that cleanse and clear my mind and prep my body and my space for meditation. How I craved these senses and prayed for their return, a world without tastes scents and aromas is one strange world.

It’s the first day I do. Not need the ibuprofens as the aches are subsiding I got to evening time before feeling the need to take one so progress. I continue the EFT (emotional freedom technique) tapping, is as distant healing flows to me  rom far and wide I’m so grateful and so very humbled by it all.

‘Its just a bad flu a bad cold’… to that, well, all can I say to that mantra is….No it is not ! Not for me  ,nor for my daughter. It’s been a strange and mysterious angst ridden time for us all.

The ‘positive test result’ has enough explosive energy within it and sets off fires of anxiety in every area of your life, and all my meditative mindful practices were barely attempting to calm those fires.The simple acts of body brushing, oiling my feet and hair were like gentle relief from the ordeal of this scorned chaos.

I awake, I feel different, something had eased something had left my body , I was unsure afraid to get too excited about it. I checked my oximeter took my homeopathic drops and there seemed no need for ibuprofen. “Are you better yet?” a text comes in?which thoroughly annoyed me for some reason, was it I felt hurried? Or was there a time limit on this, did they not know what we ‘d just  experienced or was I being uber sensitive. I had read about extreme sensitivity and emotional waves that came with this virus along with all its unknown and uncertainty of a cure or the long term effects, so yes I allowed myself to feel this annoyance instead of judging myself for it, I had just been through a trauma alongside my two  girls as the whole country sunk into the pit of corona despair, and my body felt wiped and weak .

But something had shifted something had changed it was subtle but it was happening. Light at the end of the tunnel, I take in those wide expansive breath’s long long exhales and give great thanks that I can.